As our biblical living pastor, I counsel a lot of married couples going through a myriad of problems in their marriages. Pastor Mark’s sermon on Men & Marriage and the accompanying chapter in the book Real Marriage hold some of the foundational solutions to much of the conflicts that occur in the marriages I’ve been able to shepherd. They are about men being men and leading their families well.

Why is it so hard to be a man? What does it mean to be a man?

Check out this viscous circle: Men innately want to be respected. That’s a good thing. God made them that way. Because of our sinful hearts, men often act selfishly, lazily, harshly, impatiently, or violently. Because we want respect, we think allowing ourselves to be seen as less than worthy of respect or failing to act respectfully is going to ruin the persona that we’ve displayed to our wives or the world around us. Therefore we try to hide the fact that we are sinful through defensiveness, withdrawing from conversations about our weaknesses, blowing up in anger at the slight mention of our weaknesses, or tearing down others around us so at least we think we seem respectful compared to them. However…this natural desire to defend our idol, to keep up the persona we want to display to our wives or others backfires HORRIBLY! Our defensiveness, withdrawal, or anger in the light of our obvious weakness and sin only work to make us untrustworthy which is the diametric opposite of being a man worthy of respect. A man takes responsibility. If you can’t take responsibility for your weaknesses, than you prove your weakness as a man even further!

Do you see how this mentality can spin out of control in a marriage? A wife is hurt by her husband’s insensitivity in a matter and tries to bring it up. The man knows he’s been insensitive, but he wants his wife to see him as a good husband because he loves her and wants her respect (read some kinda good motives here). The husband fears that admitting his weakness will only encourage his wife to see him as less worthy of respect and a bad husband, so he launches into a passionate defense of his actions in order to “preserve” what respect he thinks he has. Now the wife’s feelings haven’t been heard and she’s being attacked for sharing and sees her husband as blind to his own sin. Does that make her respect him more? Ladies? Of course not! Now her husband appears to be an unsafe place to share her feelings and he seems delusional regarding his own sin! This cycle can continue on and on until a wife feels she can never share her feelings and a husband is sure that his wife is only pointing out problems in him all the time and becomes tired of always trying to defend himself. It’s a sad, bitter, lonely place for a couple to be.

How does Jesus’ Death & Resurrection equip you to be a man?

While Jesus’ death is a beautiful example of the sacrificial love every man is to have for his wife and Jesus choosing to take responsibility for our sin on our behalf is a beautiful picture of headship, it’s not just an example to be followed. If following Jesus’ example was all we had to help us be better men, we’d be crushed under the weight of it! I can’t love as well as Jesus. I can’t double my efforts to be like Jesus and simply become a better man! That never works. Have you ever tried it? You don’t have it in you. Instead, Jesus’ death and resurrection causes you to be a better man. How?

How much have you done to secure your salvation? Did you die for your sins? Did you choose to be saved? Did you pay the perfect price to reconcile yourself to God? No. Jesus did it all. ALL OF IT. To confess one’s sin and accept Jesus’ work on your behalf is humiliating. It actually humbles you. The gospel doesn’t tell you to be humble, it humbles you. But it also gives you confidence! You are justified. You are called clean, adopted, co-heir with Jesus, friend of God! No one can take that away from you! Your wife, your parents, your friends, your boss…no one! You can remain patient and peaceful and gentle and loving in the face of having your most vulnerable weaknesses exposed before your wife or others, because they are not your judge and your judge calls you righteous! You are convinced that your righteousness is from Jesus and not from your success as a husband, or father, or provider, so you are able to humbly admit and confess your weaknesses and sins and you are FREE to run hard after repentance in the freedom that Jesus’ finished work has bought for you. Believing (I mean really believing in your head and heart) the good news that Jesus has died for your sins and raised to conquer death on your behalf makes you a humble, confident man. You become the tough and tender man that Pastor Mark described in his sermon and chapter of his book.

As we study and evaluate the strength of our friendships with our spouses through the Real Marriage series, I keep seeing a theme among the ladies in my Community Group and Women’s Midweek Study group. Either a couple is great friends, or they’re struggling and don’t really know how to get back on track. To those who are great friends, I praise Jesus and celebrate with you. To those who are struggling, I’d like to share something that’s served us well over the last thirteen years of marriage: in order to be a great friend to my husband, I had to know what great friendship with MY husband looks like.

“In order to be a great friend to my husband, I had to know what great friendship with MY husband looks like.”

I entered marriage with many preconceived ideas of what it would be like. Sometimes I didn’t even realize I was making assumptions about my husband’s preferences until plans I made went awry. For example, for my husband’s birthdays in the first years of our marriage I would cook a gourmet meal and elaborate birthday cake. I expected him to appreciate all of my effort and understand my exhaustion by the end of the evening, but many a birthday ended with him feeling less than celebrated. It turns out that he doesn’t love elaborate cake: I do. What he loves is a cheerful wife ready to pour all of my energy into spending time with him, and if that means we order pizza, so be it.

Maybe your husband loves elaborate cake, doesn’t fish and the prospect of his wife going fishing is actively unappealing. What does he find appealing? What activity would he like to do with you? Pastor Mark made the point that many men bond through activity, and women through talking. One conversation your husband might appreciate is you asking him what activity he would like to do with you. It feels good to be pursued, do it for your husband. If you feel like your friendship is faltering, prayerfully pursue his view of what a great friendship with you looks like. Share your dreams for a great friendship as well, and as you focus on learning how to be great friends to each other, you can start building a repertoire of activities that make you both feel known and appreciated – or even that are just FUN.

Please join us for the Real Marriage series as Pastor Mark strives to correct and inspire our view of what a Godly marriage can look like. Ladies, please join us for the Shoreline Women’s Midweek Study as we dig into how the concepts in the book Real Marriage, by Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll impact us as current or future wives.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ”
Genesis 2:24

Tonight, with ten inches of snow on the ground and a list in his hand, my husband, Jon, set out for supplies. Granted, we needed milk for the kids, but his biggest motivation was that I’ve had the stomach flu and tonight is the first I’ve craved food: Thai food. He took off for the store as I put the kids to bed and it wasn’t until I glanced out the window about to tuck in our boys that I wondered if I was a fool. Did I really send him out onto icy roads for Thai food? Without taking time for processing or logic, my mind spun a tale of car wrecks and forever bemoaning my untimely craving for cashew chicken as a single mother.

This is a common worry for me, my father’s death in my toddler years sparked a superstition that I would be left widowed as my mother was. It doesn’t make sense either statistically or theologically, but it was an assumption I felt in my gut for almost a decade of our marriage. I would tell you it was illogical, yet still find myself long down the road of widowhood in my mind at my husband’s slightest delay returning home. Would I date again? Would I find a godly man who wanted to marry a woman with one, two, or three children, depending on which stage of life we were in when my worried scenario played out. Eventually I would catch myself and either realize I was being ridiculous or Jon would walk in the door, scenario over.

It wasn’t until about nine years into our marriage that I realized what a toll this thinking was taking. While participating in a ministry designed to address past damage done to us and the way we responded, I realized that this fear didn’t just affect how I thought when Jon was away, it affected how close I allowed myself to be to him when we were together. Without realizing it, I had been keeping him at a distance to protect myself from the pain of the day he didn’t come home.

This kind of thinking didn’t resolve overnight. A renewed investment in sorting out my heart issues and repentance of holding my life in my own white-knuckled fist rather than having peace that it rests in Jesus’ holy hands led us to draw near to each other in a way we never had before. Years later, I am invested in this marriage wholeheartedly. Trips down worry lane like the one tonight are short-lived these days, but now that moment of fear is filled with a deep pang that a piece of me is missing. The love and joy in our marriage is that much greater for my softer heart though, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What baggage have you brought, or will you bring to marriage that will keep you from truly becoming one with your spouse? Join us for the Real Marriage series as Pastor Mark strives to correct and inspire our view of what a Godly marriage can look like. Ladies, please join us for the Shoreline Women’s Midweek Study as we dig into how the concepts in the book Real Marriage, by Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll impact us as current or future wives.

By Reagan North

Attention all teenagers: If you were worried about the snow messing with your plans tomorrow night… the good news is you now have two extra weeks! (The bad news is it’s been postponed.) We’d planned January 20th for dinner and a movie, watching the film Super 8 on the big screen in the Mars Hill Church Shoreline auditorium. However, due to the unpredictability of the snow and ice, to honor parents and our own concerns for your safety, we’re going to push back this event two weeks and host the event Friday, February 3rd. This also gives you more time to invite your friends.

Come hungry because we’re also providing a full course meal with several menu options. Your wait staff for the evening will be none other than the Proxy leaders. In addition, Pastor James will be teaching on the major themes of the film and how it relates to our everyday lives and the story of God redeeming the world.

Come dressed to impress and enjoy an elegant evening with delicious food, an action packed film, and Film & Theology. Bring your friends! Everyone from 6th-12th grade is invited, but please RSVP to reagan@marshill.com to confirm your reservation. Cost of the event is $10. Be there at 6pm, and again, it’s moved from January 20 to February 3rd. Hope to see you there!

This means that our Women’s Midweek Study, Doctrine, Redemption Groups, and Counseling in Community are ALL cancelled tonight and will start NEXT Wednesday as if that were week one. Also, Proxy (which meets off site) is also being cancelled as well. Take this time to play in the snow with your kids, have a stay-home date with the spouse, spend time with neighbors, or get some silence and solitude with God today as the Spirit leads.

In loving concern and care,
your Mars Hill Pastors at Shoreline

“The moment of my salvation fourteen years ago was a white-hot declaration that I was done fighting Jesus”

I was reading Revelation this morning and came upon the Lord’s words to the church of Laodicea:

Revelation 3:15-16
“I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”

The Bible is always true and relevant, but this week as my Facebook feed is filled with friends’ resolutions to do one thing or another better this year, these are especially timely words. I don’t make resolutions, but I do reflect. As this week marks the beginning of 2012, I am reflecting on the heat of my faith and how it’s changed over the years.

The moment of my salvation fourteen years ago was a white-hot declaration that I was done fighting Jesus, marking the end of a battle that began as soon as I was old enough to debate. In elementary school at a Girl Scout camp, some Christian friends started telling me about Jesus. My response then, and for years after, was, “How can you believe there’s a good God when bad things happen?” In my mind, something bad had definitely happened to me. My father died suddenly when I was two, leaving my teenaged mom alone to raise two toddlers without an education or resources. Every evidence of poverty we experienced, I attributed to my missing father. My mother’s singleness opened the door for abusive men to enter our lives, and each traumatic incident echoed the question.

“It was the first time I submitted to the truth of the Bible rather than trying to pick, choose, and maneuver the story to suit my preferences.”

Unsure of the answer, but obviously being courted by Jesus in retrospect, I longed to believe that there was someone in charge. I began to pray nightly to “God,” defining for myself along the way who I thought he was. One thing was constant: when I prayed, I imagined my dad sitting next to God. I imagined them listening together, and even discussing my concerns together when I signed off. Whoever I constructed God to be, he was always someone who would organize a reunion with my dad when I died. I comforted myself with the anticipation that though he died so early I don’t remember him, I would get to know him in heaven.

A friend invited me to church, and with Sunday mornings free and Jesus in hot pursuit, I agreed. Each time the pastor preached that I could receive Jesus’ death on the cross as payment for my sins and receive eternal life, I thought of my father. My dad had not – to the best of anyone’s understanding – done any such thing. He was gone. Was I really going to agree to believe something that sent me to heaven and my seemingly unbelieving father to hell? I had waited my whole life to meet my father in heaven, rejecting this very notion. If I was going to believe what I was learning the Bible said about heaven, I also had to believe that my father most likely wouldn’t be there.

My fight culminated as the people around me sang one winter morning at church with my friend. Jesus tugged on my heart and I resisted. We both knew what was at stake and he was patient with me. Making my last stand, I channeled a lifetime of anger and frustration borne from pain as I silently screamed every last protest I had at him. He gently invited me again. I dug deep for more objections but found none. The anger quieted, replaced by the warmth of enveloping peace, and I finally submitted to his call. In that moment, I gained Jesus and lost my dream of knowing my father. I was not lukewarm. My new faith and confidence in Jesus’ love and forgiveness burned with an intensity that eclipsed a dream I’d clung to since childhood. It was the first time I submitted to the truth of the Bible rather than trying to pick, choose, and maneuver the story to suit my preferences.

“How have I had enough faith to choose the godly path and turn my back on worldly desires since that moment?”

My faith burned hot in that moment, and I’ve been searching for evidences of white-hot faith in my life since then. How have I had enough faith to choose the godly path and turn my back on worldly desires since that moment? There are many times I can point to and know, as much as a sinner can know, that I acted in obedience to Jesus rather than my own desires. I also confess that I look back and see moments that are nothing more than lukewarm. If I took my temperature today, how would it read? It is not a resolution, but an ongoing prayer that my life will be one lived through prayerful discernment of his will for my life, followed by obedience with a white-hot zeal. What’s your temperature?

By Andrea Anderson

Six years ago I walked up to the door holding my six-week old daughter and knocked. I stood there nervous, not knowing what to expect as the leader opened the door. Trisha greeted me with a warm smile and “Hello!” and my nerves immediately subsided. I heard the sounds of kids laughing and women chatting as I walked up the stairs and met the women in my first Women’s Group at Mars Hill Church.

I enjoyed my evening Community Group, but wanted to find a place where I could connect with women during the day. This first Women’s Group became an amazing support system and these ladies showed me how to be vulnerable as each woman shared her honest struggles as well as the wonderful blessings she experienced. I came to group thinking I would be getting some parenting and marriage advice, but walked away with friendships that I hold most dear even today.

“Our hope is that these changes will encourage a new season of spiritual growth as a community.”

My faith has also been challenged through Women’s Groups by studying books of the Bible such as James, Hebrews and Romans, a book on marriage, a book on service, and even The Pilgrim’s Progress¹. It has been a privilege and blessing to be a part of these studies.

Women’s Groups at Mars Hill Church Shoreline exist so that we may learn to genuinely love one another through sharing in all joys, trials, and challenges we face as women who desire to truly know and serve God. The ladies in these groups have served the Shoreline community by bringing meals to families after having a baby, organizing cleaning parties for women in physical need, and by being the first to respond to service projects that have been brought before them. Our groups have shown Christ’s love to others through their selfless acts of giving and compassion.

As these groups have become a blessing to more and more women, our challenge has been raising up enough leaders to shepherd these women well. And with more women come more kids, especially at Mars Hill! Being blessed by this growth inspired us to rethink the way we meet and grow as a community of women and a new study for women at Shoreline has emerged. This new study will take the place of daytime groups that formerly met in homes, and instead we’ll open the doors of Mars Hill Shoreline on Wednesday mornings to host ANY and ALL women interested in joining us.

“I am excited about this new opportunity to worship weekly with other ladies under one roof!”

Women will be invited to check their children into Mars Hill Kids for childcare and enjoy worship, group teaching time, and small group discussion with other women. This new format allows us to continue building friendship, community, and service opportunities among women in a small group. It also gives us the opportunity to study as a large group under godly women as we strive to achieve a greater depth of study than we’ve experienced in our previous groups. Our hope is that these changes will encourage a new season of spiritual growth as a community.

I am excited about this new opportunity to worship weekly with other ladies under one roof! I know I will continue to be challenged in my walk with the Lord by the many wise and godly women at Shoreline, and look forward to welcoming new friends and neighbors into a community of women that has been such a blessing to me. We will be studying
Real Marriage by Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll, and ALL women interested in joining our study on marriage are invited. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for this new season, and I hope you will join us!

Click here to register for the Shoreline Women’s Midweek Study, or for more information email showomen@marshill.com.

1. John Bunyan, The Pilgrims Progress, (1678)

King 5 heard of the predicament and even came out to capture what happened as a slice of their news story. The full article can be found here, or you can watch the embedded video below:

Praise Jesus that our faith isn’t about electricity and a good show, but about praising our Creator, Sustainer and Savior who ultimately holds all power. We’re ending 2011 partying for his glory (feel free to join us!) and look forward to the challenges and opportunities He’ll provide in 2012.

There are evening services at Bellevue, U-District, Ballard & Downtown locations. Please check the website for directions and times. Merry Christmas from your Pastors and church family at Mars Hill Shoreline.

Twas a few hours before Figgy Pudding, and all through Mars Hill,
Proxy kids arrived, awaiting a thrill.
The pizza was ordered, and delivered with care,
In hopes that hungry teens soon would be there.

The meal was prayed over; the food was just right,
While visions of Christmas movies kept the kids laughing all night.
After pudding for dessert (of course), the kids couldn’t eat anymore,
Proxy was set for a great night for sure!

As the kids were divided into groups for the night,
Their excitement built up, as you’d think that it might.
Each group was assigned different colors, we made sure of that,
And every kid given – not a kerchief, not a cap – but their own Santa Hat!

The cars were loaded up, and with each group in tow,
We soon left Mars Hill Church Shoreline to take in the show.
Seattle traffic (as usual) just wouldn’t flow,
So we chimed in with stories and songs to have fun on the go.

When each car arrived, parked, and all were safe,
We donned our hats and walked down to Westlake.
There were thousands of people and twice the lights,
So much to take in, so many sights!

The streets were adorned with red and green, so merry and bright,
Each way we turned, we heard carolers to the left and the right!
They were all singing favorite songs and spreading Christmas cheer,
The event raises funds for the needy, and this was their 25th year!

The crowds voted for their favorite teams who stood above the rest,
Then the top teams took the stage to see who passed the test.
The carolers performed, judges and applause approved,
Awards were to be given to the ones who weren’t boo’ed.

The judges’ scores were tallied, and the money was counted,
The audience waited patiently to see what it amounted.
The event raised over $65,000 and the participants are to thank,
All proceeds went to the Pike Market Senior Center and Downtown Food Bank!

All in all, it was a great night,
Spending time with the kids was such a delight.
To see their smiling faces and having fun with their friends
Was enough to know we should definitely do this again!

Check out Proxy to join the fun at their next event. Keep up with Proxy on Facebook.